you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
