it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
