How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
