I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You pole danced in your parka.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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