we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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