I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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