I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My ass is underappreciated
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
