apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm passing your future prison.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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