I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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