i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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