why didn't you poke me back
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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