i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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