just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
