My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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