You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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