I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
