Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
