Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
