Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
