Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
