He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
