Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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