If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
