you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.