Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers