Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.