dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS