just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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