I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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