She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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