Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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