Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize