bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
