So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
