i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
