did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
