I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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