summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
