ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
