Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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