never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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