My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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