her vagine was all disorganized.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
