i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Come on in and take your pants off
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
