Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
