I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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