I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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