so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
