The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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