I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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