I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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