Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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