someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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