the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
