We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
