Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
