Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
