i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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