I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
