you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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