i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I lost the right to judge tonight
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
