I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
