I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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