his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So many bounce houses so little time
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
