i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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