peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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