Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
