I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
