everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
