I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will be naked everywhere
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
