I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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