Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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