she was so not down for the gang bang
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
