She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
