just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize