Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize