i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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