Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
