I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
