It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
