I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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